HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you.
By learning some simple skills, you can feel happier, less worried, more secure, and excited about the future. These skills have transformed the lives of the individuals, couples, and families I've worked with - I would love to share my expertise with you.
I don't want you to be hurting any longer than you have to. As a realistic, down-to-earth, practical counselor, I can help you find solutions that will work for you. If you're ready to get started, please call me today to schedule your complimentary phone consultation.
Specializing in couples counseling, marriage counseling, pre-marital counseling, and family therapy in Newport Beach, Orange County.
MARRIAGE COUNSELING - MY PHILOSOPHY AND APPROACH
Right now, I imagine you're in a lot of pain. I am sorry about that and I understand. Deciding to seek couples counseling can be intimidating. Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, finding yourself hoping that through couples therapy, your relationship will get better.
I am so glad you've found me because I believe that any relationship - no matter what state it's in - can be made better with marriage counseling.
Many people will tell you that marriage therapy or any type of relationship counseling will only work if both partners really want it. I don't think this is true. It only takes one person to make a change, to start things moving in a different direction, and make things so much better.
The simple truth is that I love love. I love people and I whole-heartedly believe that relationships give meaning to our lives. When you're in a great relationship, your world seems better, brighter, stronger. Having this kind of relationship is my wish for you.
If your marriage or relationship is on the rocks, hang in there. I can teach you how to get things back on track. If you're thinking about getting married and are interested in premarital counseling, great! I can help you master the secrets to having a strong and loving relationship for life.
I practice a special kind of couples counseling called emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT). EFT is wonderful for three primary reasons: (1) it is short term, most couples find their relationship is much better after 8-20 sessions, (2) it is positive and structured, where we focus on the strengths of each partner and understanding how couples get stuck in hurtful cycles, and (3) it really, works - research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.
While our work together will be customized to fit your relationship, EFT is the framework I use to help the couples in my practice. I decided to use this approach after trying many others and finding that this technique yields the quickest, most long-lasting results. It's also far more effective than other types of couples therapy. If you're ready to talk further, please feel free to call me at 949.222.6688 to schedule your complimentary consultation.
MY BACKGROUND
In addition to caring for people in a private practice setting, I have worked extensively within the nonprofit and educational communities in a variety of contexts. I serve as the Chief Operating Officer for the California Institute for Continuing Education, where I help develop and shape training programs for professionals. I have also worked as the Executive Director and Content Director for The Family Violence Project, which is a nonprofit organization that specializes in helping professionals to recognize and report child abuse. My psychological internship and post-doctoral work was with the Orange County Health Care Agency, where I worked extensively with teens on probation and their families. For several years before, I worked as an educator at Saddleback High School in Santa Ana, where I taught general science, chemistry, and physics.
I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 100 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 45 professional publications. Most recently, I have collaborated with two colleagues to write Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, which provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting for anyone who works with children, and Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently working on my next book, Be Your Own Shrink: 10 Steps To Keep You Happy and Healthy.
Our community has a lot of people in need of help and for this reason, I am honored to serve on several nonprofit boards and volunteer with different nonprofit agencies. I am a member of the board of directors for The Family Violence Project, and a member of the Community Advisory Board for Laura's House. I volunteer my time to work with OC Health Care Agency, Laura's House, Habitat for Humanity, and the Red Cross. I have served as a member of the University of California at Irvine's Institutional Review Board, where I reviewed psychological research proposals.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY 20446) who does local counseling (within California) and coaching (outside of California, by phone and internet). I received both my doctorate (PhD) and masters (MS) degree in psychology from Capella University in Minneapolis. My dissertation was on anger in teens, where I evaluated a program designed to reduce students' aggressive behavior. My undergraduate education (BS) was in chemistry and physics at UC Irvine.
When I am not working, I enjoy spending time with my husband and my bulldog, Piglet. I love to walk on our beautiful beaches, paint watercolor landscapes, read, write, and watch old movies.
FREE AUDIO TIPS AND TOOLS
For all sorts of great free tips, tools, podcasts, and much more, please visit my website: www.drkathynickerson.com
THE SECRETS TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
As you change, your relationship needs to adapt – the secrets to a strong and loving relationship are talking and listening.
Secrets to Talking:
1. Say what’s on your mind.
Express your concerns, worries, and fears. Problems don’t get better if we ignore them
2. Really say what you mean.
Don’t hint, just kindly ask for what you want or need.
Hinting statement: “Don’t you think it’s hot in here?”
Nicely asked statement: “Honey, would you please adjust the AC, I am really hot.”
3. Beware of ESP, wishing, and wondering. Don’t expect someone to read your mind.
ESP example: “What is he doing over there, doesn’t he know I need help!”
Wishing statement: “I sure wish you’d go with me, you know I don’t like to go alone.”
Wondering statement: “I wonder if you’re concerned about the dishes piling up.”
4. Say what you want, not what you don’t want.
We often spend more time saying what we do not want, which leaves our partner wondering what we do want. Make it easy on them, tell them what you want.
Don’t want statement: “I don’t want to go to that boring movie.”
Do want statement: “I really do want to go see that new Anthony Hopkins thriller.”
5. Make requests instead of complaints.
Complaint: “I don’t like that outfit you’re wearing.”
Request: “That outfit is pretty casual for the restaurant we’re going to. I’d feel more comfortable if you wore something a little dressier, especially since I am wearing a suit.”
6. Use gentle, calming, and emotional words.
Inflammatory statement: “Mark, stop driving like a maniac, you’re going to get us killed and when you make those sharp turns, I want to throw up!”
Calming statement: “Mark, I’m feeling a little sick, would you please drive more slowly.”
7. Speak about yourself instead of speaking for the other person.
Speaking for someone else: “You make me feel unattractive, you never compliment me.”
Speaking about yourself: “I feel unattractive. When you hardly ever compliment me, I think I must not look good to you.”
8. Use “I” statements.
You statement: “You never help me around the house!”
I statement: “I am really pretty wiped out, would you please help me with the laundry.”
9. The magic expression: “When you _____________, I ____________________ .”
This works wonders with almost any situation. If you use the template about, you can tell your partner what they are doing or saying that is hurting you and then follow it up with a request.
10. Five things to avoid:
Guessing what your partner is feeling, guessing what your partner is thinking, labeling your partner, criticizing your partner, and/or commanding your partner to do/not do something.
Secrets to Listening:
1. Actively listen.
Listen for what is right, what is true, what is useful, and for what makes sense in what your partner says. If you can find some truth in what your partner says and acknowledge that, it will do wonders.
2. Instead of saying “but,” say “and”
But statement: “You could go play poker with the guys, but you promised me you’d clean the garage.”
And statement: “I think it would be great if this weekend you could play poker with the guys and clean the garage.”
3. Pay attention to your body language.
4. Focus on what your partner is saying, you can look for the TV remote in a few minutes.
5. No one expects you to fix everything or know everything, just listen and be sensitive.
6. Avoid listening like a lawyer, judge or a detective.
You’re not trying to find fault or start a fight, you’re listening to learn.
7. Repeat what you’ve heard and show that you understand
It’s magic to say, “So it sounds like you’d really like me to spend more time helping the kids with their homework and tomorrow night I will check with them before we eat dinner.” You can also show you understand by repeating what you heard, nodding your head, asking a question to clarify what you heard, or making a statement that builds on what your partner has said.
8. Express empathy.
Here’s a great template: “I can understand that you’re _________________, if that happened to me, I’d feel the same way.”
My very best tip for stopping an argument: When responding to your partner during a discussion, first respond to their emotion (are they sad? hurt? angry? frustrated?) and then respond to the content.
For example, in response to “When you are not here for dinner, I miss you and I feel like our time together is not important to you. I’d really like it if you could make it a priority to be here by 6pm, or if not, just call me and let me know when to expect you.” I might say, “Sweetheart, I am sorry that I hurt you by not being home for dinner. You are a priority to me and I will make sure to be home or let you know.”
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| FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION AVAILABLE |
Office Hours
Monday - Friday: 8am-7pm
My primary address in Newport Beach is conveniently located near Corona del Mar, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Tustin, Tustin Ranch, Costa Mesa, Huntington Beach, and Laguna Beach.
My secondary office in Mission Viejo is perfect for those located in Aliso Viejo, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, San Juan Capistrano, El Toro, Lake Forest, Ladera Ranch, and Coto de Caza. Secondary office is located at 27001 La Paz Road, Suite 224, Mission Viejo, CA 92691.
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Directions to Office [ View a Map ]
To the Newport Beach office: Take the 405 freeway towards Newport Beach, exit at MacArthur Boulevard. Take MacArthur south (towards the ocean) until you reach San Miguel. Turn right on San Miguel, then turn left on Avocado. The first light you come to will be Farallon, turn right at Farallon and right into the first driveway. My building is the two-story, brick building on your right - 280 Newport Center. Please call or email if further directions are needed. |
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| Avg. Session Cost: |
$100 for 30 minutes; $150 for 50 minutes |
| Sliding Scale: |
Yes |
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| Accepts Insurance: |
Yes |
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| Graduate School: |
Capella University |
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| License Number: |
PSY20446 |
| License State: |
CA |
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| Ethnicity: |
Any |
| Religous Orientation: |
Any |
| Gay/Lesbian Focus : |
No Preference |
| Additional Languages: |
Spanish |
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